Realizations in a New Year

So here we are, coming around to the next year to be alive. This past week I turned 45 years old and I got to celebrate twice thus far. Not overly large parties or anything, nothing like that, no. But small dinners with the hubs and one son. My birthday lands between other holidays and birthdays in the family and often gets overlooked. That’s fine. I don’t mind. Less cake is a good thing.  But this year brings with it more pressure for me than I imagined. And that is also a good thing.

I want to finish my books and actually send them out for query. I want to pitch them. I want to get published. I’m not the only one. If you go to my Twitter Account, you will see tons of amazing people with the same dream. And that’s not counting all those authors out there that have already made this dream come true. It’s overwhelming. And while talking to the hubs this past week, I admitted something that is and has caused me so much more trouble than I like to admit. I…I place myself last. I place everything I do as secondary to everyone else. Did you see how I said I didn’t mind that my birthday was overlooked because other people have birthdays and holidays to attend to? That’s been ALL…OF…MY…LIFE.

I grew up being told that I should always put other people first. And in the mindset of an all around good person, that’s a good way to be. However, over the years this mantra has also pushed me to the side. I have pushed my hopes and dreams to the side because they aren’t first. The husband comes first or the kids come first or the household comes first or the job comes first or the friends come first… ANYTHING comes first. And my dreams of being an author is a pipe dream and shouldn’t be something I take seriously. That is what this has led to. Changing that mindset is not easy. I feel guilt-ridden and almost like a traitor to do anything new.

However, all of my children are adults, now. Jack will be graduating high school this month. I am taking him and his brother to get new driving permits at the end of the month so they can begin practicing driving for their test. I will be driving them to work so that they can save money up for vehicles or repairs on the scooters. I need them to become independent. They will in turn be helping me with setting up the gardens in the yard and filming our adventures in cooking. It is time to no longer be tied down… soon… it is coming!

I have been working around their schedules and the hubs’ schedule. I can do this. I WILL do this. But I need to make it worth our while. I need to make something of this time. I need to show myself something can come of it.

I am beginning this year with the goal to make this happen. We’re also working on another love of mine – cooking. I want to make a business out of cooking for people. And so writing and cooking are my things. I am beginning right now to change my point of view. This is going to take a bit, but it’s necessary to see my writing and my contribution to the websites I run and my cooking as my future means of keeping myself going and hopefully it will keep some support coming my way. Starving artists are not happy artists.

So, going forward, look for weekly posts for Walking the Blade, yes. I will continue to make that a priority (this past week was hectic because of all the birthdays and getting prepped for hubs’ new contract).  I will also continue to boost other authors and artists using the Author’s Spotlight on the website. But I may only be doing that monthly. It’s not as much of a priority as continuing to promote Noob Cuisine as my food blog or beginning to film more recipe creation and booking people for cooking parties. I will be sharing more about that in the future – from concept to carry through. I also plan on live streaming the chaos and comedy that is me cooking on Twitch (maybe even Mixer). I used to just be a gamer girl on there, and I still game, but cooking is so much more fun and productive for me. I have also begun a more biographical bunch of essays and opinion pieces from my own perspective on My Medium Page. Please check that out when you get a chance.

Thanks for listening to my meandering about my goals and changes and what I will be focused on in this upcoming year.  I appreciate everyone who reads from my website and shares or comments or just likes these kinds of things on social media. You’re all fantastic!




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